What if I’m unable to care for my elderly parents?

I get this question all the time, and it’s something we all worry about. Whether it’s financially, emotionally, or physically, what happens then?

The good news? You have options. In this article, we’ll discuss the challenges of caring for your parents, when it may be time to ask for help, your options for support, and available financial resources.

I’m Mitch with Premier Home Care, and I’ve helped hundreds of families like yours get through this challenging time and find the right home care arrangement for their loved ones.

If you’re considering home care for your loved one, reach out to Premier Home Care. We’re here to make this transition easier for your family. 

Understanding the Emotional and Physical Toll of Caregiving 

So, the first big question is: Why is caring for an aging parent so difficult?

The Shift in Parent-Child Roles

Truthfully, there’s a lot that goes into this question, but from my experience, I think a lot of it really comes down to the shift in the parent-and-child dynamic. Your parents have been taking care of you your entire life, and you were always their child, but now that dynamic is shifting.

Balancing Family, Work, and Care Responsibilities

During all of this, your parents may have complex medical needs that you are not equipped to handle. And let’s not forget you have your own life, too. You have work. You have familial responsibilities. You might have your own kids to take care of. You have a spouse and a household to run.

All of these things are now falling by the wayside because you’re caring for your parents. You might be able to spend a couple of hours per day, but can you really spend all day long if your parents need that? 

Recognizing When It’s Time to Ask for Help

The second question that I most commonly get is: When do I know it’s time to get help?

When Health & Safety Are At Risk

First and foremost, if your parents’ health and safety are at risk, it’s time to get help. If your parents:

• Are getting up in the middle of the night
• Have had recent falls
• Are missing medications
• Aren’t getting proper nutrition or hydration

Reach out for help.

You cannot compromise your parents’ health and safety by thinking, “I’ve got this, I can do it all.” In reality, you just can’t—there’s not enough of you to go around.

When Caregiving Impacts Your Own Well-Being

This leads us to the second point: caring for your parents leads to the neglect of your own mental and physical health.

A lot of times, people call me in for their parents, and they haven’t been home in two weeks. They haven’t seen their own kids in a week and a half. They can’t remember the last time they went food shopping, sat with their spouse, took some time to themselves, or went on vacation. They are completely focused on caring for their parents.

You can’t give from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself, too.

When Other Relationships Begin To Strain

You need to consider: is this straining your other relationships? There’s only one of you, and there are two sides to this equation: your own personal life and your perceived obligations toward your parents.

If you’re not in a happy medium between the both of them, and you see that one side is starting to get annoyed or irritated with you, it’s absolutely time to ask for help.

When A Neutral Third Party Can Help

As an aside, a lot of times it’s better to have somebody else care for your parents. It’s the same way they tell doctors they can’t operate on their own family. Sometimes, when you’re caring for your parents, it creates dynamic tension. They still feel they know best, and you feel that you know best. A neutral third party really helps to smooth things out.

When Health Issues Keep Increasing

Finally—and this one might be a little subtle—do you notice your parents are getting hospitalized more often, or that there’s always something going on? Maybe they’re getting sick more frequently, falling more often, or dealing with repeated infections. That’s usually a clear sign it’s time to get help.

This often happens because their needs have outgrown what you can manage on your own. The most common issues that arise—malnutrition, falls, and urinary tract infections—aren’t caused by neglect, but by the simple reality that they can no longer care for themselves the way they used to.

How to Talk to Your Parents About Care Options

So, how do you open up this conversation with your parents?

I know that a lot of you have hesitations about this, and your parents might be very stubborn or have a different mentality about whether it’s inappropriate to have an agency take care of them.

The best way to do this, in my opinion, is to be direct and straightforward. Say something like:

“Hey Mom, I’m having a really difficult time here. I can’t care for you and my own family the way that I see fit. And I know that you can understand that because it’s your grandkids, too. I really think that we need to talk about getting some extra help here, just for the times that I can’t be here to make sure that you’re safe, you’re taken care of, and I’m not neglecting my own duties as a parent.”

Be straightforward, but always be empathetic and open to hearing their side. You might get initial pushback. That’s okay, and it’s pretty common. if you approach the situation calmly and rationally—without letting emotions take over—it will often work out just the way you hoped.

Asking A Provider For Help

If you need help breaking up this conversation, you can always ask your provider to help. We are frequently tasked with communicating with all family members. A lot of my job is just that. I come in, sit down with the family, walk them through the process, answer logistical questions, and help them come to the realization that this is best for everybody.

If you have siblings, get them involved. If you’d like an agency to discuss with your siblings first, or if you prefer a team meeting beforehand, I also facilitate those. I’ll sit down with all siblings and parties involved and come up with a game plan.

I find that it’s often extremely helpful when all the siblings come together first, then present a united case to Mom and Dad about why this service is needed.

Exploring Elder Care Options 

Now that you’ve had the conversation with your parents, the next question is: What are my options for elder care?

Deciding Based on Independence, Safety & Medical Needs 

When deciding on care, ask yourself the following questions about your loved one:

• How independent are they?
• How complex are their medical needs?
• How much support do they need?
• What are your financial options?

Senior Living Communities 

A lot of people find senior living communities extremely attractive, because it’s an entire facility or community built around senior care: not just medical, but also emotional, physical, and mental.

Home Care as a Middle Ground 

A lot of times, home care becomes the golden middle ground. Your parents might have hesitations about moving in with you or into a senior living community. They want their own independence and privacy.

Home care is the perfect solution. They stay in their own home with their own routine, but have extra care to ensure their safety. This allows them to age in place with dignity, and for you, it keeps things normal. You’re visiting them in their home, not making emotional trips to a facility.

Financial Options for Long-Term Elder Care 

Now that you’re reviewing your care options, you’re probably wondering: how do I afford all this?

Medicaid, Veterans Benefits, and Long-Term Care Insurance 

Sometimes, Medicaid will cover a portion of your loved one’s care hours, depending on qualifications. If you’re a veteran or have long-term care insurance, those are also potential funding options.

How to Navigate Costs with a Home Care Provider 

There’s a lot that goes into your loved one’s care financially, but it is affordable. The best course of action is to call a provider and ask. They can help you navigate all your coverage options.

Pooling Family Resources & Asset Planning 

In some cases, it may be necessary to pool family resources and plan your assets. This is a team effort: talk to a financial advisor or elder law attorney to explore what makes sense for your family.

Taking Care of Yourself Through the Process 

So, how do you take care of yourself through all of this?

Be kind to yourself. This is a big transition. It’s not just physical or mental; it’s emotionally taxing. There are dynamic changes, tension, and hard conversations.

But you are not alone.

The reason we exist as an agency, and why thousands of agencies exist, is because this is hard. If there wasn’t a need, we wouldn’t be here.

So just understand: it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed. You will get through this. I promise. I’ve helped thousands of families get through it.

Get Support from Premier Companion Care Services 

If you’re ready to explore your options or just need help starting the conversation, contact us at Premier Companion Care. Whether you need home care, family mediation, or have financial questions, we’re here to support you every step of the way.